If you can sit there and play a part in ruining your child’s life because you do not agree with the “caste” or ethnicity they want to marry, then you as parents, as elder family members should truly fear Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala.

The youth of today are more prone to committing zinah and many other sins, ending up pregnant out of wedlock because their parents are disagreeing to the person they want to marry solely based on their own whims, none of their reasons for denial include Islam in them. They merely disagree because they’re not from the same place “back home” or they’re not the same caste, bloodline or whatever other excuses they come up with. This topic needs a lot more coverage, I was always scared to speak up about this, but I decided enough is enough, it needs to be spoken about, it needs to be read by thousands of people out there, who are in similar situations as what I’m explaining and writing about.

You should never be put in a position where you have to choose between your family and the one you want to marry.

You should never feel the need to have to worry about telling your parents about a suitable marriage partner and that you want to get married, marriage isn’t a sin and it should NEVER EVER feel like one. You, wanting to complete half your deen is a joyous occasion, a time to celebrate and thank Allah for, yet some parents turn it into a funeral the minute they find out about who you want to marry and why.

As a young Muslim woman, I have come across many cases where people have had to leave the one they want to marry due to their parents or elders/guardians disagreeing because of reasons which have no Islamic backing. I’ve seen this happen way too many times and I’ve always wanted to bring awareness to these problems and issues which arise in nearly every community, Muslim or not.

Should other people really take precedent over what makes your child happy? Should you as a parent, really be caring about your reputation and what other people are thinking or going to say about you getting your child married to their own choice? Do you not fear Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala more than His creation. That’s a question I would like to ask every parent that is stopping their child from marrying someone who is Islamically permissible for them to marry.

If a potential marriage partner comes to ask for your daughters hand in marriage and your refuse solely based on reasons which are not valid in Islam, then you truly need to sit down and ask yourself who you are worshipping.

Do you worship Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala or His creation, do you live to please Allah or His creation?

Are you more wrapped up in what other people will say or do once they find out you’ve stood by your child and got them married to keep them away from Zinah and other major sins.

What about when you force your children to forget about a potential marriage partner because you feel as though you have a “right” over who your child marries and they “owe” you because you have raised them therefore they NEED to obey you and live by your rules and abide by them.

If your child has told you that they want to get married and you are not allowing it because you don’t “like the look of the person” or you feel as though they’re not “good enough” for your son or daughter or their caste is not a good “one”. So you refuse it based on reasons which are clearly not permissible in Islam to refuse.

You do realise, whatever sins they commit out of marriage will be partly on your head too because you have the duty to get your children married and push them towards being in a HALAL happy marriage/nikkah.

Put your children and their happiness first, you will truly be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala for doing what is best by your children instead of stopping them from getting married and guilt tripping them.

Your children do not owe you anything, Islamically speaking yes, they should keep you happy but it’s your duty to keep them happy too, it works both ways. You cannot emotionally blackmail your children into doing something they really do not want to do, you cannot force them and make them feel like they’re a disappointment if they do not listen to you.

Do what is Islamically right, not what is culturally expected of you. Listen to your children, listen to their reasonings for wanting to marry that particular person, stop allowing culture and tradition to dictate the lives and futures of your children. Especially when they will be the ones who will have to live with it, not you.

Every other day I’m told story after story and it breaks my heart, parents who put their made up rules first before the happiness of their children. They pick and choose what part of Islam they want to follow and what part they want to deny. Please for the sake of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala, put your children’s wishes and desires first, if the only reason you’re denying their marriage and potential marriage is because of caste, ethnicity and background/culture differences, please please rethink your decisions, Islam does not allow a parent or guardian to deny the marriage of two people based on their own whims, there has to be an Islamic reason for your disagreement.

Stop allowing your children to live empty lives, married to people they did not want to marry, you do not just ruin one life, you ruin 4 especially if they had someone else they wanted to marry to begin with.

Stop allowing your children to lead a life of sadness because you didn’t allow them to marry who they want.

Stop telling your daughters that you would rather keep them single all their lives because you will never allow them to marry out of caste.

Stop telling your sons and daughters that they are bad people and that they are disobeying you because they have the courage and guts to tell you they want to marry someone and are seeking your approval.

Stop telling your children that the minute they go and marry someone of their own choice, you will disown them and that you are dead to them, fear Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala.

Advice for those who are in a similar situation as mentioned above and in the previous two posts.

If the person you want to marry is Islamically OK for you to marry, you should approach your parents, speak to them, give them a chance to understand and see things from your point of view, try to make them meet the person you want to marry, if they refuse, try again. If you’re a woman who is wanting to get married, tell his family to come over to ask for your hand in marriage, if your parents still refuse then try one more time, if they still refuse them approach an elder member of the family who you’re able to talk to easily, if they are the same as your parents (mindset and not agreeing) then go to your local masjid and ask for some advice from an imam or someone with Islamic knowledge – if the reason for your marriage denial is invalid then you are able to get married with a guardian (wali) without your parents present.

But you do need to give them a chance to accept or refuse and if their grounds of refusal is based on cultural rules/reasons then Islamically you are able get a wali and marry whom you want. But please get some Islamic scholar/backing or knowledge from your local imam.